What's left of us
by Abyme
Summary: September 12, 1981 - In the Daily Prophet, herobituary was short and not very evocative of her life: Dorcas Meadowes, beloved daughter, sister, aunt, friend and girlfriend, who died at the dawn of her 22nd birthday, murdered while carrying out her duties by You-Know-Who himself. December 3, 1959 - September 9, 1981. Please REVIEW!


**Note: As English is not my first language, you may stumble upon some errors (syntax, grammar, etc.). Please be gentle about it and do tell me! I would very much appreciate it!**

WHY DORCAS MEADOWES? Because of two things: 1- When Moody showed Harry the famous OtP picture (in the book!), he pointed people and mentioned Meadowes and Sirius, as if the two were beside each other. 2- Voldemor killed her personally. Why? Even Sirius thought his little brother not worthy enough to warrant Voldemort coming to kill him (he didn't know how his brother had died, but yet…). So, why Voldemort killed her personally? Voldemort, at this time, has a bunch of Death Eater to do his biddings. J.K. Rowling never wrote anything innocently. So, I'm thinking there was a story behind Meadowes.

 _Disclaimer: Everything that you recognize belongs to JK. Rowling. The other stuff is mine. =)_

Reviews are a must. If you write fanfic, you know how important those are. Please review!

M for possible intense scenes in the future…

ooOoo

 **Chapter 1 – The detention**

 **Hogwarts, 3** **rd** **year, april 1974.**

The Transfiguration class was sitting in deep silence except for the screeching of quills on the parchment. The end of the day's sun was breaking through the stained glass window and came to rest in a splash of red, yellow and blue on some student's heads that were sitting in the ray of light.

For a few minutes already, Sirius Black had completed the examination and was stiff bored. Stifling a yawn, he shot a sideway glance at James Potter who was frowning at a question in his exam paper.

Putting his arms on the table, Sirius rested his chin on them and got lost in the play of colors in the hair of his front neighbor. Dorcas Meadowes, that was the name of the girl, had finished her exam and was drawing in the margins of her paper while fiddling with a strand of her hair.

"Pssst Meadowes! Pssst!"

Dorcas was trying very hard to ignore Sirius, but he didn't seem to understand that she did not want to talk to him.

"Meadowes! Pssst! Turn around, come on!"

Dorcas remained stubbornly still in her seat, something that Sirius did not appreciate.

With his fingers he shaped small balls of paper and proceeded to make it rain on her with his wand. Dorcas took a deep breath and, without acknowledging Sirius, took off methodically the pieces of paper that got stuck in her hair, much to Sirius's chagrin, who began to look for another idea to attract her attention.

"Turn around, Dorky! Psst! Come on!" He used his quill to tickle Dorcas behind her ears, with the only results that Dorcas covered her ears with her hair.

"If it was James, you would turn around huh? Dorcas loves James...woohoo! "

Raising her left hand above her shoulder, without turning herself around, Dorcas showed him her middle finger.

Sitting to the left table next to him, Lily Evans bursts out laughing seeing the gesture that Dorcas had done to Sirius, a gesture which he did not understand the meaning. He shot a questioning look at Lily.

"It's a Muggle-thing. It means fuck you, Black", said Lily, who raised her thumb as a show of support to Dorcas who had turned to look at her, a triumphant smile on her lips.

"What? But it is very rude of you Meadowes!" said Sirius insulted. "Do you think that James would be interested in you with an attitude like that?" He broke into a bark-like laughter." Actually, no, forget it, he will never look at you Dorky!"

For Dorcas, it was the last draw. With an abrupt movement, she stood up, knocking her chair at the same time, and turned to squash her very heavy book on Sirius's head with in a deafening din.

"MISS MEADOWES!" cried Professor McGonagall. "By Merlin, what are those manners? Ten points from Hufflepuff and a detention for you on this Saturday Miss Meadowes."

Sirius hold his head with a groan of pain.

Turning to him, McGonagall asked:

"Are you all right Mr. Black?"

"Yes professor," replied Sirius with a weak smile.

"Perfect. You also have a detention Mr. Black, and 5 points will be taken from Gryffindor. "

"But professor! That's unfair! Meadowes attacked me! "

"I'm quite sure that you've done everything possible to push Miss Meadowes to this end, Mr. Black. Saturday evening, 8 o'clock. My office. "

She threw a sharp look at Sirius and Dorcas : "The both of you. Together. "

The following Saturday, some girls from her House as well as Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, came to her so they can tell her how much she was lucky to serve detention with Sirius Black,

"Sirius Black", sighed one of them. ""It seems that he is not interested often to girls. He is soooooo selective!"

"And so mysterious!"

"…with that rebel air of him…"

"…and his long hair…"

"Did you see his tattoo?"

"He has a tattoo? Ohhhh!"

"It's been told that it's a Gryffindor... "

The girls sighed in chorus. Dorcas strongly doubted that Sirius Black has a tattoo, but she refrained from any comment.

"You're going to spend the evening with him! Lucky girl! "added Megan who was with her at the Hufflepuff, but in the 4th year.

They sighed. Yet. Dorcas had a mental gagging. How could they believe she was lucky to spend the evening in detention with the guy who made her miserable life since last fall?

"You're crazy!" retorted Dorcas turning her heels to get away from them as fast as she could. She went to find her friends Lily Evans, Joan Smith and Zephira Waters, with whom she had a rendezvous near the Black Lake.

Quickening her pace to join them, her thoughts went to the girls that she had just left.

"By Merlin! I can't believe we are the same sex!" she thought.

Dorcas liked boys. It was for this reason that she was in detention with Sirius Black, she remembered with bitterness. Why had she had the bad idea to declare her interest to James Potter last fall? What was going through her mind?

Nothing, precisely. She thought that James was cute and nice and she had simply decided to ask him to accompany her to the next weekend in Hogsmeade. Dorcas had reasonable confidence in her to be able to handle being turned down - which had happened this time - but since Sirius, who was James's best friend, acted like it was the most ridiculous thing in the world that she could claim the attention of James Potter. He grabbed every opportunity presented to him to make fun of her and Dorcas had done her best to ignore him these past few months, saying to herself she could not waste her time with such childish things, and that he would eventually grow tired, but this has not been the case. It's been already six months since he was on her case without any hope of cessation of his stupid attitude.

Without consulting her Lily, who was her best friend, had decided to speak to Sirius –who was in the same house as her – for him to stop, but he had swept her reproachs with the back of his hand saying that he did not know what she was talking about. When she told to Dorcas what he told her, her face was still red from the anger and the outrage. Dorcas had thanked Lily telling her she would take care of everything herself. She had just not yet figured out how...

Lily, Zephira and Joan were sitting on the edge of the lake and were talking with animation upon her arrival. She told them what had happened earlier with the girls, knowing that she would find allies in her friends. They commented forcefully on the girls's behavior, in solidarity with their friend.

"I really don't see what girls find in these two ", commented Lily with an obvious disdain. Despite being in the same house as them, she didn't feel any affinity towards them. Except perhaps Remus, who was the kindest of all and also the most reasonable.

Joan pushed a lock of her curly blond hair behind an ear.

"Well, Sirius is really cute you know and..."

Her friends looked at her, horrified.

"He is not that wicked as you put it!"

"Jo!" cried Zephira. "It was not the right thing to say! Dorcas is being harassed by Black for months now. How can you say something like 'Oh well he's cute' as if it would excuse him of his attitude!"

Joan's cheeks became a flaming red.

"I'm sorry Doe. I didn't mean it like that you know. I was answering a rhetorical question." She kept her head low and Dorcas felt guilty for having reacted so strongly to her comment. Joan had never hidden her interest for Sirius Black.

"That's ok, Jo." She looked at Lily and Zephira before adding :

"He is beautiful, it's true, but I have to admit that I have a bit of trouble seeing any beauty in him since last fall."

Lily looked at her with a commiserating look. She knew that Dorcas was incapable of being angry at somebody for too long. She blamed it on her Hufflepuff side.

Relieved, Joan nodded and brought the conversation to another topic.

"So, what are you doing this evening Lily and Zef?"

Zephira said that she would probably remain in her dorm so she could catch up on her reading.

"I promised Sev that I will join him in the library after dinner," said Lily cautiously, knowing how her friends reacted when she mention Severus. This time was not different from the others.

"I don't understand your friendship with Snivellus," said Joan, using the nickname that the Marauders had attributed to Severus Snape. By this sentence, she was mirroring the thought of Zephira as well.

"He is my friend!" protested Lily. "He is funny, smart, and..." Joan snorted.

"He and his little friends approve of You-Know-Who Lil. You know it! You can't forget it!" said Zephira.

Zephira and Joan went into a diatribe against Snape, evoking all his faults, even those that he did not possess. Lily's face was beginning to heat up, and Dorcas, who had said nothing until then, decided to intervene.

"That's enough! Lily has the right to choose whoever she wants to be her friend. If you're doubting her abilities to choose her friends, I remind you that you are one of them. "

Her tone was without appeal. Joan and Zephira did not push the subject any further, but Dorcas and Lily could guess that they were hurt. Every time she spoke about Severus, it ended badly.

A few minutes later, Zephira and Joan left to return to their dormitory on the pretext of a homework to do. Dorcas was not worried about them. They will come around later.

When they were away from them, Lily looked at Dorcas, air, chagrined.

"I know that you don't like Severus Do. You don't need to pretend and come to my defence. "

"This is not what I think or I feel that is important Lil. This is what you think and feel. Severus is your friend and I will support you, is all. "

Lily took her hand affectionately.

"You're a real good friend Do."

With a wink, she says:

"I know!" With a big smile, she pursued: "I should add, that you never pass judgement on me for having being interested very briefly in James Potter."

Lily burst out laughing.

"I believe that you have had many occasions to regret it since!"

"You say!"

They make the most of the rest of the afternoon together laughing and talking. When the time came to go back to the castle to the evening meal, they go back, arms locked with each other's.

When the evening came, Dorcas went to her detention at McGonagall while raving against Sirius Black who had managed to push her over the edge. To tell the truth, she was not proud of herself. Since Sirius had started making fun of her, Dorcas had begun to doubt herself. When she look at herself, she was more critical than ever. Her big brown eyes that she thought were animated and alive before seemed now so little expressive as those of a cow. Her long wavy black hair seemed lifeless, dull. She feels fat, devoid of interest, her nose was too small, her bosom was too big or too small, depending on the day. No piece of clothing that she owned seems to fit her and she thought that no boy will ever be interested in her. She was now wondering what madness had hit her when she asked James Potter to be her companion on a Hogsmeade week-end, as if he could have ever been interested in her. What was wrong with her?

All of this because Sirius Black had been deadly set to mock her interest in his best friend. It was unfair, unacceptable, but Dorcas couldn't help being disturbed by it. She was miserable, but was trying to put on a good face so nobody knows how she really felt. Except Lily. Lily always knew how she felt because she was a great friend. An as a great friend, she was

The office door of professor McGonagall was ajar, but Dorcas knocked anyway before entering.

"Come in. "McGonagall was waiting for her, sitting at her desk, and greeted her with a stern look over her glasses.

"Miss Meadowes. I thank you for your punctuality. "

Dorcas smiled at her. Despite everything, she loved and respected McGo – as everyone called her.

Standing in front of her teacher, Dorcas waited patiently for her to speak, but as she remained silent, she decided just to ask her what will be her punishment for the evening.

"Don't be in a hurry Miss Meadowes. We're waiting for Mr. Black. "

As if McGo was made him appear just by saying his name, Sirius popped into the door frame, out of breath, his hair tousled by his run in the corridors.

"Mr. Black. How nice of you to finally join us."

The austere look that she had while looking at him made him swallow.

"You are exactly 2 minutes late. You know what that means? "

"Yes professor." Sirius glanced at Dorcas who was trying very hard not to look at him and seemed fascinated by something in one of McGo's libraries.

"Well. You and Miss Meadowes can return back for the next two Saturdays at the same time. "

"WHAT?!" cried Dorcas. "Professor! This is so not fair! I was right on time!"

"Miss Meadowes" began McGonagall. "I understand that you are not familiar with the concept of detention, but you must know, when two students act as two of you did today", – she threw Sirius a fixed look, just so to make him understand that she was not fooled and that she was far from believing him exempt of any blame in the story, "I expect that you work together and that you are supportive of one another. Perhaps are you not aware of it, but this is not a time for trivial rivalries. It is important to unite our forces against the evil that is rampant in the world of the sorcerers. Today, I expect of you that you make me a 15 inches text in favor of collaboration and cooperation between houses. Written with both your hands."

Her tone was definitive. Dorcas raised her head proudly, her eyes bright with unshed tears. She was punished unfairly because Sirius had made her his scapegoat. She pinched her lips to prevent her from crying. It would not be said that she was going to come out of this story with her head lowered.

McGonagall made them sit at a desk on which were two quills and sheets of parchment and then, throwing them a last look, she went out, leaving them alone in the room.

Sirius pulled the chair to the right and took a seat, his hair falling in front of his eyes. Dorcas settled on the other chair, looking very dignified, but with zero desire to talk to him. After a few minutes of silence, she felt him watching her.

Without a warning, she turned to him and exploded with passion.

"Why are you dead set on me like that?" All the rage who boiled in her for months was ready to surface and to be poured out on Sirius.

Surprised, Sirius looked at her, mouth open in an explanation that did not come.

He wouldn't have been able to truly say why. He realized he never thought about it.

"Why would you care that I asked Potter to accompany me to Hogsmeade?

Sirius shrugged. He felt very dumb all of a sudden, but did not feel the urge to apologize. Not yet.

"Don't worry, I will not steal your precious boyfriend!" she said to him graciously, but with a bit of disdain all the same, because if what she believed was true, she didn't have to suffer the costs.

Sirius turned a deep red, insulted by her allusion.

"What? But that's not it at all! "

"Oh, no? Why, then, are you making fun of me since October Black huh? I did not ask him to marry me that I know of! He told me no and for me it was end of it, but apparently not for you. It certainly was not the first time a girl is interested in James no? The girls revolve around you two all the time in this damn school! Why do you pursue me? What I have done to you? Am I that ugly?"

Caught short, unable to formulate a coherent answer, Sirius began to panic. He had never thought about Meadowes look, but looking at her, he couldn't say she was ugly, or even ordinary. He was on extremely dangerous ground, not all accustomed to be faced with his own failures by people of his own age, much less a girl. The girls wanted to attract his attention, not to attack him.

After a few minutes of deep thinking, he managed to say "I'm an idiot Meadowes. Please forgive me. James is my best friend, almost a brother, and I saw you as a threat to our friendship. I don't know why, it's stupid, really."

Stupid did not began to cover the whole mess, Dorcas thought viciously but, as she looked at him, arms crossed on her chest, her Hufflepuff side show its head. He seemed sincere enough.

"You...you're a pretty girl. Smart and articulate." Seeing her incredulous expression, he defended himself: "I'm not the one saying! The other... the other guys said that!" In fact, it was one guy, a year older than him in Gryffindor who thought that Dorcas was a great and bright looking girl and Sirius heard him say that once in the common room. He didn't even know why Samuel Cox was talking about her, just that he paid her that compliment. He doesn't have to tell her that no?

He added, after a moment of self-reflection. "I think I didn't want a girl messing up the Marauders".

He was honest, but Dorcas felt that this was not all.

"Okay," she said after a moment.

"Okay? That's it? "

His eyes were full of hope. Suddenly, Dorcas Meadowes's forgiveness was the thing he wanted the most in the world.

"No, of course this is not all! You acted badly Sirius Black! Do you know what ordeals you made me go through these past few months? Have you any idea?" She cried out, releasing all the anger and frustration that she kept in since October. "Some students began to make fun of me because you were! If the sublime – she almost spited the word – Sirius Black did, I was fair game huh? It's been a living hell for me and all of it it's because of you!"

No, he had not the slightest idea. He has been stupid, foolish, and had only though...wait, he _did not_ think at all. He had not realized how much he had hurt her.

To her shame, she was crying now. Sirius felt not only stupid, but a second rate human.

"I am infinitely, deeply sorry. I will abide by you from now on. You can count on me."

Dorcas did not know if she can count on him. She was not sure at all that she wanted to believe in his apologies.

He didn't know what more he could say to her. Her tears unsettled him totally. He really was sorry, but he suspected that it was not enough. Remus had even said a few times that he was exaggerating with Dorcas, but he did not listen to him, believing his taunting being without consequence. His impulsiveness was sometimes more of an enemy than a friend to him.

"It is a great lack of maturity on your part Black," she said, breaking the silence that threatened to settle in. "If you are really friends, nothing can separate you from, especially not a girl!"

She was rummaging through her cloak to find a handkerchief to wipe her nose that was threatening to spill over. She so did not want to have snot in front of him!

He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her, his face set in a sheepish expression. Dorcas took it without saying anything and tried to mop up her nose in the most dignified manner possible.

"You're right, I'm sorry Meadowes. Really, really sorry. Really really really really sorry." He looked pitiful and when he looked at Dorcas, she got annoyed.

"Don't make me those beaten dog eyes! It will not work on me Black. "

"Will you ever forgive me?"

She was unable to forgive him in the moment. The pain and anger that had settled in her since October were still too powerful for that.

"No."

He rarely regretted his actions and his words, but when he saw the suffering in Dorcas's eyes, he wanted to be able to go back in time and prevent him from making a fool of him and be the cause of so much pain.

"I can write the essay for both of us if you want?" He offered in a vain tentative to win her.

Dorcas sighed and, taking a deep breath, said:

"No. McGo we were told to work together and I intend to do so. I believe, moreover, that she knew what she was doing when she locked up both here. "

"You think so?" asked Sirius, raising a questioning eyebrow.

"I am convinced", Dorcas said grabbing a quill which she dipped into the inkwell landed in front of them.

On the other side of the door, Minerva McGonagall smiles with satisfaction. She walked away, with the smile on her face, thinking how she knew that these two students were on the right track. She recalled with regret that the Sorting Hat hesitated a long time before putting Dorcas in Hufflepuff instead of Gryffindor. She would have made a good Gryffindor, she thought before taking the route to Dumbledore's office.

ooOoo


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